Do you still remember the very last journey we go which end up our relation?I remember every single moment which happen on that day between us.It still fresh to me and i think i'll never forget in my entire life.
I still remember one week before that day.I plan to have a trip with you for around five days by introducing my hometown--Cameron Highland,Pahang included my family members to you and also bring you to others tourist attraction.Not only that, i had prepared a ring for propose in a romantic resort.
When that day comes,i feel more excited and even feel some nervous and anxious to do what u had plan to be.On the way back to my hometown,i'm extreme happy and thinking about introduce you to my family members with tightly holding your hand on my lap while driving.Because of that, you ask me not to hold your hand too tight,relax and you say i'm looks cute with my nervous.
We continue our journey but my mind had sway for a long time,not paying fully attention on my driving.Under not realize,i had speed up my car speed and crash to the other car.The sudden was not only shock me and i think it also has had scare you.Not even one second after the crash,my car had turn over and collide down the hill.Luckily our car stuck at a big tree.You did not have any injured from this accident but i had knock my head to the steering wheel accidentally and bleed.
After leaving the car,i hug you tightly into my bosom,but at this time you hardly try to push me away.You make me feel the last warm and touch with rub off the blood on my forehead and put on a plaster.I know and i feel more nervous about can our relation continue although we did not argue anything.
In about 20 minutes,the tow car tow my car to a workshop and we back to our residence.After that accident,you do not speak any,no smile on your face and you looks numb,no matter how i try to made laugh and talk everything does not works.
The next day morning,i go to your room.I can't find you,i saw your room were empty but you had left a letter for me.You left me silently without say goodbye to me.At that moment,i feel you are cruel to me,cruel to our relation.Our relation just end up like this silently.Two years of time we spent together had wasted.The dream to married you had break.Feel hopeless.
If only i had been more careful,that wouldn't have happened.
This was the essay i handed in to my school english teacher and she commented me with :
-interesting plat
-you have a problem with tenses.In a story always use the past tense.
-marks she gave me is 30/50
Actually is not i don't use but sometimes mixed up together and i had confuse what tenses to use.And my english teacher slightly change the story i want to mean to becomes...
Do you still remember the very last journey we took which ended our relation?I remember every single moment on that day.It still fresh in my mind and i think i'll never forget in my entire life.
I still remember one week before that day.I planned to a trip with you for around five days to my hometown--Cameron Highland,Pahang with my family members.You also visited some tourist attractions there.Not only that, i had prepared a ring for a romantic moment.
When the day came,i felt more excited and even felt a little nervous and anxious.On the way back to my hometown,i was extremely happy and thought about introducing you to my family members.I was holding your hand on my lap while driving.You asked me not to hold your hand too tight.You said i looked cute in my nervousness.
We continued our journey but my mind had wondered away,not paying fully attention to my driving.I had increased the car speed and because of that crashed in on other car.The accident not only shocked me but also scared you.Not even one second after the crash,my car had turned over and rolled down the hill.Luckily our car stuck a big tree.You did not have any injuries from this accident but i knocked my head on the steering wheel.I was bleeding.
After leaving the car,i hugged you tightly into my bosom,but this time you hardly tried to push me away.You made me feel the warmth and touch as you rubbed off the blood on my forehead and put on a plaster.I felt more nervous about our relationship although we did not argue about anything.
In about 20 minutes,the tow car towed my car to a workshop and we returned to our homes.After that accident,you did not speak.There was no smile on your face and you looked numb,no matter how i tried to make laugh and talk.Nothing worked.
The next morning,i went to your room.I could not find you,i saw your room was empty but you had left a letter for me.You left me silently without saying goodbye to me.At that moment,i felt you had been cruel to me,cruel to our relationship.Our relationship just ended silently.Two years of being together had been wasted.The dream to marry you had broken.I felt everything was hopeless
If only i had been more careful,that wouldn't have happened.
Because of not fully understand what my school english teacher marking i had asked my tuition english teacher to look into and a bit of changes did as below.
Do you still remember the very last journey we took which ended our relation?I remember every single moment on that day.It still fresh in my mind and i think i'll never forget in my entire life.
I still remember one week before that day.I planned to a trip with you for around five days.I wanted to show you my hometown and introduce you to my family members my family members and bring you also visited some tourist attractions there.Not only that, i had prepared a ring for a romantic moment.
When the day came,i felt more excited and even felt a little nervous and anxious.On the way back to my hometown,i was extremely happy and thought about introducing you to my family members.I was holding your hand on my lap while driving.You asked me not to hold your hand too tight.You said i looked cute in my nervousness.
We continued our journey but my mind had wondered away,not paying fully attention to my driving.I had increased the car speed and because of that crashed in on other car.The accident not only shocked me but also scared you.Not even one second after the crash,my car had turned over and rolled down the hill.Luckily our car stuck on a big tree.You did not have any injuries from this accident but i knocked my head on the steering wheel and i was bleeding.
After leaving the car,i hugged you tightly into my bosom,but this time you hardly tried to push me away.You made me feel the warmth and touch as you rubbed off the blood on my forehead and put on a plaster.I felt more nervous about our relationship although we did not argue about anything.
In about 20 minutes,the tow car towed my car to a workshop and we returned to our homes.After that accident,you did not speak.There was no smile on your face and you looked numb,no matter how i tried to make laugh and talk.Nothing worked.
The next morning,i went to your room.I could not find you,i saw your room was empty but you had left a letter for me.You left me silently without saying goodbye to me.At that moment,i felt you had been cruel to me,cruel to our relationship.Our relationship just ended silently.Two years of being together had been wasted.The dream to marry you had broken.I felt everything was hopeless
If only i had been more careful,that wouldn't have happened.
And this tuition teacher said that my school english teacher quite a patient person to correct my tenses problems.He also said that if i did not did any tenses mistake i could score 40 something/50 because the story is quite interesting.
This was a past year question.I just do it for practises.
Lastly i want to thanked to one person.I take out some part of his story which had happen on him and put it into my essay.
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