Tuesday, May 19, 2009

if and only if

If and only if i really can decide how my life goes,i think i will try and willing to forget about distance between us,places where we stood at and even our identity just because of you.
I was tighten up with strict rules and control by my parents.Whenever what had happen onto me,my parents will always ask me to follow every single instructions and even their way to live.
I dare not to dream about how do our relation go further more.I must be awake,so i won't let you down.I'm sorry to always awake you from your sweet dream,so that you will not continue the dream that you are dreaming for.Because i know that i do not have the rights to prefer,to decide any thing for my life.
I wonder to be with you.I had fall in love to you under not knowing when.I also wonder to hug you,to hold your hand tightly without let you go.But i can't.
I know you are a good person to be my entire life partner,and i know that you will willing to stay beside me till the end of the life.I really can't do it,is not because the love is not deep enough,is i couldn't be selfish to my parent,to my family.You was the first and i do think that you are the last person that i meet is perfect that i could describe you,which really fall in love to me.Whatever you say i'm stupid not to gave you chance to be my lover,i will not angry about that if you feel happy,i willing to let you say so.
I know love could cover everything,but this is not the way and not a good solution.I still have to follow and respect to what my parent decide.I have no choice not to give you any chances.I'm sorry,because i am inability to give you happiness.
And maybe my parent will choose whoever they feel suitable and they like to be my entire life partner,i will follow so.Because i don't want to let them upset,dissapointed onto me.
I'm so sorry to reject you and had spoilt your sweet dream and even your hope that you put onto me.I'm so sorry,to say that but i have no more choice.
My life is not control fully by my own but my parents and people who are elder than me,who has more experience than me.
Sorry,i had make you upset and full of dissapointed on me.I'm so sorry about that.This passage was a passage that i drafted out deep and truly from my heart.
I will always care about you and not to let you get any hurt.Do you notice that?
Please look for the others to be your lover.Please choose properly.I'm sure you could do it well because i believe in you.And i'm sure that the lover that you will be picking will suit you much more compare to me.I'm sorry to chase you away from my side.Please left me before getting any hurt.That's the only way to let me love you,to protect your heart properly that i can think.
Because of my parent,your identity,the place where you stood and the distance between us was highlighted up although i'm not willing to do so.Hope you could understand my situation after reading this.

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